Sometimes Sayings.

I've never been good with my left an fright.

When we did Rallying my wife, when, navigating would use knife and fork when giving me instructions. When I Navigated we would really stuff up due to my left/right issue.

Worked well we didn't go the wrong way as often as we did before she started calling that way.

bparo wrote:

Your mate sounds as bad as my wife "turn left here, not that left the other left!" meaning turn right! lol

sounds like me giving directions lol


Paul
 

Can you remember when you were a kid and you would lie on your back on the grass and watch the clouds scudding past and you would dream about what would do when you grew up?
Well, what happened?

From "A recipe for dreaming" by Bryce Courtney, South African born Australian author.

You know Morris I can remember that, or at least something very similar

Dad taught us to lay with our heads against the clothes line and it felt like it was falling on us the clouds drifted by

Ah to be a kid

Worst thing to ever happen to a kid is starting high school
Your no longer allowed to dream, everything gets to childish and your told you must decide what you want to be

I still dont know what that is


Paul

In all honesty I think all men are kids that haven’t grown up. I’ve heard that men are just kids that have learnt to behave in public.

Not a saying as such, but a story I read on Facelessbook that gave me a chuckle 




We have the standard 6 ft. Fence in the backyard, and a few months Ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire City. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric Fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made For 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. Long ground rod, and Drove it 7.5 feet into the grund. The ground rod is the key, with The more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big Wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the Yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the Mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of The way.
It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right Hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in Mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a Picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
Time stood still.
The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front Side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the Lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time That Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my Head. I was literally one with the engine.
It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower Were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.
Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg To differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels Emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and You're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 Times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality It was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding Onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric Fences ... But Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.
This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now Accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river Bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just Man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a Loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam In it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die ... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into The rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore Roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's Right foot.
So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, Standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not Take me that day ... He left me there covered in my own fluids to Writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ...
I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside Me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.
There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and Then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I Was on the ground still holdng on to it. I assume I finally had a Seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
4 - My left eye will not open.
5 - My right eye will not close.
6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little sesion cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.
I don't care what type of humor you like this is funny
I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

 

They say you shouldn't laugh at other peoples misfortune, but that was a classic!

Reminded me of a time many years ago, delivering stock feed to a farm out Pirron Yallock way just on dusk, pumping feed into a silo, felt an urge to drain the kidneys so no-one around , proceeded to do just that.
Unbeknown to me , there was an electric fence lead laying there!
Reckon I leapt about ten feet in the air!
Luckily it was only a low power one and not like old mate here's!
Dave 64

Dave-64
Your story sounded a lot more believable than the one copied from facebook by MrsMackPaul.

It reminds me about something that happened when I did National Service in the Army. We were hiking around hills carrying a rifle and pack, which was something the Army thought we should do far too often, when we came across a little single wire fence, with the wire at less than knee level above the ground.  We all climbed across it, using our rifle as support, except for one man who was absolutely terrified of it.
We all gave him a hard time until he explained that before he was called up, he had been out hunting with some mates and needed a pee. He decided for some reason to pee on a similar electric fence. He said that it felt like being sliced in half with a red-hot carving knife.

Back when I was but a lad we had a four stroke turner mower had the motor sideways with the spark plug out to the side as you did back then Saturday comes around off I go mowing barefooted as you did got a bit close to the old netting fence hooked up on the plug l didn’t pee crap or vomit but for a few seconds felt like an hour with that old girl at full noise I thought I was going to die
Never want to do that again

Bluey

i won’t be upset if you all have a laugh 

back in the late 1980's I was travelling in the cab of a suburban electric train with a train driver friend when a man on a bridge relieving himself tried to hit the train with the golden stream.
He hit the 1500 volt DC power line and fell over backwards. We saw the arc.
The driver radioed train control for an ambulance and was thankful he hadn't fallen forwards onto the track in front of us