Sometimes Sayings.

People

are often

shocked

to discover

I'm not a

very good




electrician

I tried to attach this message that was emailed to me but cannot work out how to do it, so have printed it and will have to type it all in:-

SERIOUS LOCKDOWN ADVICE.
Please everyone be careful because people are going CRAZY from being locked down at home.
I was just talking about this to the microwave and the toaster while drinking my Pepsi and we all agreed that things are getting bad.
I didn't mention this to the washing machine because she always puts a different SPIN on everything.
We certainly couldn't share with the fridge because he has been acting COLD and distant!
In the end the iron straightened me out. She said that the situation is not all that PRESSING and all the wrinkles will soon be straightened out.
The vacuum cleaner was very unsympathetic and told me to just SUCK IT UP.
The fan was very sympathetic and said it will all BLOW OVER very soon.
The toilet was looking a bit FLUSHED when I mentioned it but did not say anything.
The front door said it thought I was becoming UNHINGED and the doorknob told me to GET A GRIP.
You can almost guess what the curtains said; they told me to PULL MYSELF TOGETHER.

Is this going to be another verse for Austentayshous - Australiana?

The wife has been missing a week now


Police said to prepare for the worst






So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back

These true examples may explain some of women's attitude to sex. They show that marriage or a similar long-term relationship leads to familiarity and complacency.
1. A woman from work married a man who told later us she had been a virgin on their wedding night. We men thought it was not very nice of him to have told that bit of information to men she had worked with. About a year and a half after the wedding she bought her baby in to work to show to the the other girls. I overheard her say "The novelty has worn off now" I do not know if she was talking about sex or marriage in general. I could not ask for clarification, as I was even not supposed to hear that much.

2. Some years ago my Wife and I were visiting her Step-Sister and Daughter. For clarity, I will call the Daughter "Niece." She was in her early twenties. The conversation turned to Niece's Live-In-Fiance. Niece said that he was wonderful, he was always there when she wanted him and that he was her dildo. A few years after they married, we were in the women's company again and Niece said that Husband was spending the day at his favourite sport, watching the cricket. She said that after the game, he would have several beers with his mates and when he got home he would be very happy. "He is going to want me but he is not going to have me.

When you are lying in bed trying to get to sleep and subconsciously counting sheep, breaths or what ever, is this proof that " it's the thought that counts"?

The definition of a consultant is someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time.

Morris wrote:

The definition of a consultant is someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time.

charges you, then keeps the watch!

I tend to immensely dislike that latest B.S. term - "influencer" What on earth is this qualification? So far when I see someone tagged with this tittle they appear to be completely devoted to themselves and that their poo does not whiff.

cobbadog wrote:

I tend to immensely dislike that latest B.S. term - "influencer" What on earth is this qualification? So far when I see someone tagged with this tittle they appear to be completely devoted to themselves and that their poo does not whiff.

More succinctly Cobba, people who want to earn but refuse to work.