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Sometimes Sayings.

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1 year 7 months ago #238435 by Lang
Replied by Lang on topic Sometimes Sayings.
30 REASONS ITS BEAUT TO BE A BLOKE

You have no trouble whatsoever putting stuff off until tomorrow.
You feel perfectly comfortable wearing clothes you wore yesterday and left on the floor all night.
Telephone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat, no worries.
A 5-day holiday requires only 1 suitcase.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
Hot wax never comes anywhere near your private parts.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
Cricket seems like a good idea.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
Your undies are $6.99 for a three pack.
If you own a toaster you're never more than 2 minutes away from a tasty meal.
If another bloke shows up to a party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong mates.
As long as your mum’s still alive, you can get your washing done at her place.
Wedding dress $2000; suit rental $100.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
The wedding plans take care of themselves.
You don't care if no-one notices your new hair cut.
Wrinkles add character.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
You don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet, one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
You can do your nails with a pocket knife.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in minutes.
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1 year 7 months ago #238444 by wee-allis
Replied by wee-allis on topic Sometimes Sayings.
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1 year 7 months ago #238447 by hayseed
Replied by hayseed on topic Sometimes Sayings.

"Be who you are and say what you feel...
Because those that matter...
don't mind...
And those that mind....
don't matter." -
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1 year 7 months ago #238450 by Mrsmackpaul
Replied by Mrsmackpaul on topic Sometimes Sayings.
Probably not Seed

Your better to die trying than live on your knees begging
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  • BillyP
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  • I wish i could remember all the things i have forgotten...
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1 year 7 months ago #238451 by BillyP
Replied by BillyP on topic Sometimes Sayings.
..There is something that i like about the lady next door.........but...........
i just cannot quite put my finger on it.............
...............Billy...............

I CAME INTO THIS WORLD WITH NOTHING & STILL HAVE MOST OF IT.........................

I used to be a truck driver,
but i am now not a truck driver ,
on a good day i can remember
that i used to be a truck driver.
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1 year 7 months ago #238452 by 77louie400
Replied by 77louie400 on topic Sometimes Sayings.



Shit Hayseed that had me stumped for ten minutes, but yes I would think so, but it does get the wheels turning inside the head.

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1 year 7 months ago #238459 by cobbadog
Replied by cobbadog on topic Sometimes Sayings.
QUASIMOTO, don't know the name but his face rings a bell.

Cheers Cobba & Cobbarette
Coopernook, The Centre of our Universe
Working on more play time.

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1 year 7 months ago #238462 by Lang
Replied by Lang on topic Sometimes Sayings.
More old guy stuff.

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.



2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.



3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.



4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.



5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.



6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.



7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.



8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.



9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.



10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"



11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.



12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.



13. I run like the winded.



14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.



15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"



16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on a can?



17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.



18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."



19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.



20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.



21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
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1 year 7 months ago - 1 year 7 months ago #238463 by Lang
Replied by Lang on topic Sometimes Sayings.
Cobba if you want the full Quasimodo dad-joke story here it is. It will keep you if not your grandkids entertained for 10 minutes.

Very few people know Quasimodo was one of 3 almost identical hunch-back brothers who lived quietly hidden in the spire (now burned down) of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, their job was to ring the church bells.

It came about one Sunday morning as the people were arriving, Quasimodo was ringing away on the largest bell when it broke free and crashed to the floor and started to roll towards the window. Quasimodo being a faithful servant tried to stop it with no avail and the bell with Quasimodo hanging on grimly crashed through the window, bounced once near the crowd and plunged into the Seine. Everyone rushed over aghast at the accident staring at the bubbles until a gendarme called out to be quiet. In the silence you could hear faint singing coming from under the water - "I'm ringing in the Seine, ringing in the Seine!"

As a result of Quasimodo's unfortunate demise his next eldest brother was appointed bell-ringer. Sadly this brother was even more seriously handicapped than Quasimodo without the use of his arms so he developed a technique of ringing the bell by charging it and hitting his head giving a loud but somewhat more muted sound than the standard clapper. Brother two carried out his work enthusiastically until one day he slipped during his ringing charge and plunged out the window and crashed to his death on cathedral steps just as the Bishop was arriving. "My goodness" cried the Bishop to his church deacon, "Who is that". The deacon replied "I am not really sure but his face rings a bell"

Not to be outdone the Quasimodo family carried on their work with the third brother. This chap was also very enthusiastic and provided great bell-ringing service to the church until, would you believe it, he also slipped in the belfry and plunged out the same window as his two brothers, crashing to his death upon the steps just as the Bishop was arriving. Once again the Bishop was aghast and asked his deacon who this poor unfortunate man was. The deacon replied "That is Quasimodo three he is a dead ringer for his brother"

Just as an aside "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" 1839 by Victor Hugo (Les Misérables) is one of the great classics and worth a read. Made into numerous movies (including a Disney kids adaption) and a popular play to this day.
Last edit: 1 year 7 months ago by Lang.
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1 year 7 months ago #238464 by V8Ian
Replied by V8Ian on topic Sometimes Sayings.
Regardless of which side of politics you personally prefer, you've got to admit Australians are quick to extract the urine from either side.

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