R U OK?

Lang, I know what you mean.
1. Ok, so some of them are older than you.

2. On the rare occasions that I accompany my Wife to visit her Mother and Stepfather, there are four of us in the room and there are three conversations going on at once. I am not involved in any of them.

Mrsmackpaul, I guess developed nations have their own set of unique issues. I have never really suffered with mental illness myself but know many that have and all of their reasons are to do with knowing what their friends or others around them have (good health or wealth) and they don’t, abuse with alcohol or drugs (less accessible in poorer nations) or losing something they once had (can’t lose it if you never had it). Unfortunately many 3rd world nations aren’t fortunate enough to experience what developed nations do. If you didn’t know you had prostate cancer at your onset of retirement (despite being very active and healthy prior) as medical advice wasn’t a thing in your life it would naturally creep up on you and you would probably assume it was just old age or your time was up. But as you said, who actually knows why.

I can say that loneliness is just not a thing there. The only time you're ever alone is in the toilet / bathroom and even that's debatable. Families are big and live in small houses. The street is your front yard and there are always people coming and going. Even back streets are a hive of activity. I can only go by Philippines, but I would assume most developing countries are similar.

Jarrod.

Jarrod I think you may onto something, I feel having a purpose to life, to feel as you belong and are wanted are all parts of it

I feel depression has very little if anything to do with money or the lack of it
So many famous people who have more than any of us could even imagine still are miserable and die way to early

But Im no expert, not even close

So much of the way we measure people today is by money that even when people finally make it in money terms they are not happy at all

I guess you can buy a hot rod but its not the same as building one and the satisfaction of achievement may not be there

There's a lot to be said for been contented in life

Dunno, I'm to old and uneducated to worry now

Paul

Depression and PTSD come in many forms and no two people are alike.

I have several mates who have gone through this in recent years, all of them successful leaders in the community not worried by money. A couple have been so bad that they had to do time in a mental treatment facility.

Two were fixated upon particular incidents in Vietnam 50 years ago when they had diggers killed and blamed themselves as the platoon commanders. Both involved stepping on mines which had nothing to do with their decisions. Both had not been affected by this all their lives as they became CEO's of international companies but upon retirement they both became a President of Rotary. One went to Cambodia to run a village water program. One went to Laos to run the mine removal program. Both went over the edge trying to do everything for everyone.

Another was a life of the party powerhouse who started one of Australia's biggest furniture chains and just needed more challenges, more women, more travel. He lived well but was not a flashy big spender on Ferraris and yachts, never did drugs or had celebrity parties. Finally he had so many balls in the air he imploded.

Yet another was a schoolmate who had a successful auto electrical business with one employee all his life. Did good with a stable boring suburban family life. Did his one trip to Europe in his 30's, belonged to a football club then became a regular lawn bowler. He retired and just sat at home giving his wife the shits. Lost his motivation and I had him crying over a coffee. Had no idea what was wrong but felt absolutely down and even admitted he thought about topping himself.

We are not experts but what I have learned is RUOK is real. Just talking to someone about it, particularly a good mate, is a real start. It should lead to getting some professional help rather than stewing on it possibly until it overwhelms them. Another thing I have noticed is a good, positive, long-suffering wife is half way to success. I saw in my mates above a good wife helping them through the swamp and also a not-so-good wife making matters much worse and ending in a failed marriage.

Just like Prostate Cancer, Depression so badly needs blokes talking to blokes to encourage them to actually do something about the problem. Just talking can bring blokes with a more positive outlook back from the brink. It saves lives.

You might not have time or even not particularly like him, but if you are in contact with someone who looks down or on the other hand is acting unnaturally bouncing off the walls trying to do everything just ask RUOK?

Lang

I think getting out and having a social life while feeling you are acheiving something is important. During lockdown I have tried to do something that I can see I am making progress on and feel like I am getting somewhere.

I also test and tag at a local op shop 2 days a week. One day I am with 'my harem' as I am the only guy there. However it's more like being amongst mothers than a harem as it's "do you want a coffee?" "Did you bring lunch or can I go next door and get you something?" etc.

I am also secretary of the local model train club and was secretary of the local swap meet. However changing car clubs to a new one that started and met on a night that suited me better made me ineligible for the role so I 'retired' from that. It's funny how some people react when you do something like that.

I resigned from the HCVCA earlier this year as the only event I had been getting to was Yarra Glen yet I still moderate here. I also resigned from my Melbourne-based machinery club and joined the one up here. No hard feelings about any of them it was just a move to rationalise down to things I can actually get to as I am not in the position to keep memberships of clubs I can't get to regularly and contribute to

We sound very much alike bparo, rationalising our previous roles and affiliations. You have obviously moved, also like me, and have become involved (up to our armpits?) in new ventures whilst still maintaining links to the previous ones.

Guess we won't die of boredom, and unlikely to become depressed - unless we take on too much!? :huh:

Back in 1985 I was in the middle of a messy divorce and I rented a room to a mature aged Uni student to get by.

He was a quiet sort of guy but never said much about his background.

One weekend I was sailing/delivering my boat (a victim of settlement) to Brisbane and he committed suicide by taking an overdose and going to bed.

He was expecting my then girlfriend to come home and discover him and get the Ambulance. This day she didn't go home and he subsequently died.

3 days later the girlfriend and the girl who became my wife discovered him. No joy for either for them.

Since then I've been very aware of people around me and, sort of, keep an eye on my friends and associates as I realise how easy it is to fall off the rails and let things escalate.

I see a pattern emerging , no one here is suffering mental illness but there friend does or have , unfortunately some of us do ourselves

Mr Rat, I think that is because some of us are leaners and some of us are posts..... posts seem to have leaners leaning on them, and of course we posts go swearing fighting loving and patting inanimate money consuming frustrating hunks of cold metal.... so we are not ok really anyway. Just go ask ya truck, she will tell ya.