n Then the fight started

Wot can eye say





WotSayU

or

Wor R U alowd 2 Say

LOL
Cya
[ch9787]

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a

> Christmas gift...The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

> When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

> And that's how the fight started.....

> _____________________________

>

> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

> I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

> 'No,' she answered. I then said,

> 'Is that your final answer?'

> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

> And that's when the fight started...

> _______________________________

> I took my wife to a restaurant.

> The waiter, for some reason, took my order first

> "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

> Nah, she can order for herself."

> And that's when the fight started.....

> ______________________________

> My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and

> she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone

> at a nearby table.

> I asked her, "Do you know him?"

> "Yes", she sighed,

> "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right

> after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

> "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

> And then the fight started...

> _____________________________

> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me

> that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else

> to take care of xxx, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always

> something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

> When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

> busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched

> silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone

> only a minute, and When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I

> said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

> The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

> ______________________________

> My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

> She asked, "What's on TV?"

> I said, "Dust."

> And then the fight started...

> _______________________________

> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and

> slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van,

> and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was

> blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,

> and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into

> the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up

> to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,

> "The weather out there is terrible."

> My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid

> husband is out fishing in that?"

> And that's how the fight started...

> _______________________________

> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

> She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3

> seconds."

> I bought her a bathroom scale.

> And then the fight started......

> ________________________________

> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for

> Social Security.

> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

> I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home

> and come back later.

> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and

> she processed my Social Security application..

> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

> Social Security office...

> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

> disability, too'

> And then the fight started...

> _______________________________

> My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

> She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible;

> I look old, fat and ugly.

> I really need you to pay me a compliment'

> I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

> And then the fight started........

...and when you came home after work one day at about 5 in the arvo and your ever loving wife is standing there, stark naked.. and you say ''whats goin' on luv?''
...she replies, ''i thought i would greet you in my birthday suit'' ..and as you plonk your kitbag down on the table, you say in a pretty nonchalant way....''at least you could have ironed it'' :'(

oh yeah....that's when the fight started !

Marriage Humour

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

---

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip &Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!" Then I would say, "It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?" "I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."

Wot can eye say


LOL
Cya
[ch9787]

How 'bout, "The drinks are on the Swishman."?

I was in a pub last night and saw two large girls by the bar.

They both had strange accents so I said "Hello Are you two girls from Scotland?"

One of them screamed... "Its WALES you f*&king idiot!"

So I immediately apologized and said " Sorry are you two whales from Scotland?"

Cheers Bruce.

I was listening to the radio this morning when the host invited callers to reveal the nicknames they had for their wives.
The best call was from the chap who called his wife "Harvey Norman".


"No interest for 24 months !"


Cheers Bruce.

My wife said to me last night
whats on the TV
I said dust
and thats when the fight started

Can't wait for the missus to turn 60 ... then I can trade her in on two 30-year-olds!