n Then the fight started

SOOO FREAKING GOOD......had to "post" again for the newbies, just in case they missed it! [ch9829]

Oh my f*ng GAWD - I just found this in my inbox. I have no idea where it came from, but whoever you are - THANK YOU! This is TOO freaking FUNNY people! Read it! Read it NOW! Bwahahahahaha!

JUL 12 THE FART THAT (ALMOST) ALTERED MY DESTINY

Written by Anna. Posted in Marriage

Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it

Ianoz, mate, i'm ROFL, that's so good. I had heard it before but you've put it together so well, thank you. Cheers Tim :

Ol mate's at a country dance and asks
"Can I drive you home?"
"What sorta car you drive?"
"I don't have a car.....I got a whip!!"


'''''''''''''

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what
the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in
the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she
had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked
around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and
passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to
the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week.
Can you do this?"

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....

If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of
humour.

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a..m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed.... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos
MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo
clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Hey Clute that's gold, I love it.

Clute thats a humdinga

Told my missus to lift her game with the house work, why? she asks. I said she was a dirty cow.
Well I got up at 2 am the other morning and went to have a piss in the sink and it was full of dirty dishes

And that's when the fight started.
Billy

A COWBOY TOMBSTONE:

Here are the Five Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life that Russell J.
Larsen had inscribed on his headstone in Logan, Utah. He died not knowing that he would win the 'Coolest Headstone' contest.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:


1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust to take care of you in all ways possible.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.




5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

God was missing for six days.



Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "God, Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it." I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test 'Balance.'"

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example,northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.
Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries, "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, --- "What's that one?"

"That's Brisbane, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, a beautiful river, and days filled with sunshine. The people from Queenland are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be 'balance.'"

God smiled, "I will create Canberra. Wait till you see the idiots I'll put there."

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "