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Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles
10 years 8 months ago #140066
by Bugly
1948 Fordson E83W 10/10 pickup
Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles was created by Bugly
Haaa!! I said that to register the 'commercial vehicle' liaison with the Taser gun. Read on ...
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser..
The effects of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Taser in another.
The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny li'l ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the foetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Taser, one note of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser..
The effects of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Taser in another.
The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny li'l ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the foetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Taser, one note of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
1948 Fordson E83W 10/10 pickup
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10 years 8 months ago #140067
by Mac 57
Replied by Mac 57 on topic Re: Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles
Mate,
After the second or third time you can start to tollerate the effect. Next time stand in a bucket of water and get the missus to give you a shot. Trust me, That you can't build up an immunity too. Cheers Mac.
After the second or third time you can start to tollerate the effect. Next time stand in a bucket of water and get the missus to give you a shot. Trust me, That you can't build up an immunity too. Cheers Mac.
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10 years 8 months ago #140068
by truckit
D.H.B.&&Doing His Best
Replied by truckit on topic Re: Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles
Ah Bugly,
Your story has now convinced me not to even think about buying a taser let alone trying one out, but stupidity always sucks us in, great story.
Charlie.
Your story has now convinced me not to even think about buying a taser let alone trying one out, but stupidity always sucks us in, great story.
Charlie.
D.H.B.&&Doing His Best
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10 years 8 months ago #140069
by jimbo51
Replied by jimbo51 on topic Re: Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles
We are talking NT.... gotta create your own entertain up there eh!
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10 years 8 months ago #140070
by Bugly
1948 Fordson E83W 10/10 pickup
Replied by Bugly on topic Re: Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles
Was able to take the sunglasses off today. The eyes have stopped streaming and the redness has mostly disappeared. The ears have all but stopped ringing now.
Jeez ... what a BUZZ!!!
Jeez ... what a BUZZ!!!
1948 Fordson E83W 10/10 pickup
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10 years 8 months ago #140071
by Mac 57
Replied by Mac 57 on topic Re: Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles
May be a good time now to have your prostate checked.
Doctor can probably find and relocate your testicles and put them back at the same time. Two for the price of one deal.
Cheers Mac.
Doctor can probably find and relocate your testicles and put them back at the same time. Two for the price of one deal.
Cheers Mac.
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10 years 8 months ago #140072
by Bitsa
1990NKR Isuzu&&1974 D1310 4x4&&195? Chamberlain Dere Backhoe&&743B Bobcat&am
Replied by Bitsa on topic Re: Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles
Wher would Science be without people like your good self Bugly?
Priceless!!!
Priceless!!!
1990NKR Isuzu&&1974 D1310 4x4&&195? Chamberlain Dere Backhoe&&743B Bobcat&am
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10 years 8 months ago #140073
by Roderick Smith
Replied by Roderick Smith on topic Re: Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles
Memories of the limerick: 'There was a young man from Horsham...'.
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10 years 8 months ago #140074
by Bugly
His mother said 'Jack,
if you don't put them back
.....................................
1948 Fordson E83W 10/10 pickup
Replied by Bugly on topic Re: Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles
.....................................Memories of the limerick: 'There was a young man from Horsham...'.
His mother said 'Jack,
if you don't put them back
.....................................
1948 Fordson E83W 10/10 pickup
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10 years 8 months ago #140075
by BillyP
I CAME INTO THIS WORLD WITH NOTHING & STILL HAVE MOST OF IT.........................
I used to be a truck driver,
but i am now not a truck driver ,
on a good day i can remember
that i used to be a truck driver.
Replied by BillyP on topic Re: Taser Guns delivered by Commercial Vehicles
Proud of you Bugly...Nothin like an inquisitive mind...............
...................Billy..................
...................Billy..................
I CAME INTO THIS WORLD WITH NOTHING & STILL HAVE MOST OF IT.........................
I used to be a truck driver,
but i am now not a truck driver ,
on a good day i can remember
that i used to be a truck driver.
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