Need a few good yarns

Paul, seeing a naked woman, or in fact any woman jogging isn't unusual for me- they're normally sprinting though, as fast as they can, away from me...

Imagine what she looks like 40 years later making her way along the Ducat Street on her walking frame tripping over her appendages and still in the nude?

:silly: :silly: :silly: :woohoo:

Thats a cracker Paul

I was living and working at Kirra about 100 meters from the tick spraying yard and would walk past most days on the way home.
grab a beer from the sports club next door and continue on.
One of the admin boys from work had a company ute to take home as he lived in NSW but he lost the right to drive in QLD for a while,
so in the afternoon I would drive the ute a little bit in QLD park it on the NSW side of the border,than I would walk back over the hill,
to QLD and go home.he would walk to NSW get the ute and go home.In the mornings it would be reversed.
The best part of walking up the hill in Ducat st was you could look in to the back yards of the townhouses there and every afternoon.
this young lady sun baked Ala natural in one of the yards.May be the same one Paul.

LN700 :woohoo: :whistle:

Seeing we're broaching the naked truth now, I could mention the young bird who used to live next door to me when I was first married.

I worked midnight shift for thirteen years and would regularly come home in the summer, strip off, go out the back, dive into my pool and swim two lengths before climbing out and going back inside to start breakfasts and get the kids ready for school.

All well and good, but the neighbour was obviously aware of my antics, as she came out one morning after I had dived in, leaned over the fence, and started chatting with me. I chatted back, waiting for her to leave so I could get out of the pool, but she just kept chatting!? Eventually, when I said I'd better head inside she broke into a huge grin and said, "Oooo, now for the best bit." :blink: :ohmy:

One real bad wet season the there was a almighty bang and the power went out
Well I new the transformer was toast on the pole out the front
When it blew it took the whole island out
Well they got the power sorted for the island and the power company thought all was fine so left

We and our neighbor still had no power as the tranny was kahput

So I give the power company a call and tell them whats going on and dont stress, tomorrow is fine

So hot humid and not a puff of air, no ceiling fans, nothing


So I end up starkers on the lounge room floor trying sleep, eventually I nod off

Next thing Im woken by some bugger banging on the screen door

Well I get up and wander out to see who it is

A bloke from the power company to inform me the trannies shot and would it be ok if they do it the next day as it's 11.30

No problem with me

He turns around and wanders off with his huge torch they use and as I strole back to the lounge room floor I think to my self

Bugger me Pauly boy your naked and under the spot light, what will the power company think

Paul



Not the same torch, but like a old Big Jim torch only modern

'Twas a very hot night in far outback community, so there I was starkers on the floor watching a video (no TV signal). While doing this my dog was growling and making noises outside with me calling out to him to shut up. Eventually the video finished and, as the dog was still carrying on, I went outside to stop him once and for all.

Hmmm? Shalll I get something on first? Nope, it was in the wee hours of the morning, so like the bloke in the old TV advert (one day you're going to get caught with your pants down) I shut the lights off and stepped out into a nice moon lit night . . .

Great, no one around, and the dog is dragging a piece of rope up and down the driveway, a large, thick piece of rope, like a ship's hawser - what's that doing so far from the sea???

Turned out it was a snake, which I discovered when I reached down to pick it up and throw it over the fence. About the size of a stubbie around, which didn't move until I had my hand wrapped around it!!

Short version of the story (which I think I might have told before?) was the snake couldn't do much as it was halfway through devouring a goanna! Naked fella dragged dog inside, rapidly, and slipped some trousers on, to return outside to deal with snake - there is only so much you can do in the nude!? :blush:

Back in my primitive man days, back when my knuckles were still draging on the ground (before I was married) I lived in a large shed/factory and the office part was basic living quarters and a loo

It never had a bathroom so I got a hot water service and a old bath tub, some bricks, a short bit of 2 inch pipe and 90° elbow

I then had a shower in the shed that also was handy for washing really dirty parts with scortching hot water

Well I had my Federal truck and was changing from the old Cummins to the 671 screamer
I was making the exhaust (4 inch water pipe) and the muffler and decided for some reason to finish the welding on the muffler after my shower

So welding away with a stick welder and all was good until the next day

I got out of bed and was very painfully walking like a long tall Texan

Turns out welding naked isnt all its cracked up to be

Many many years later we were changing a drawbar on my friends laser scoop
We did this in my cow yard after milking as it was the only cement area we had

My friend had a 200 amp plus Lincoln mig welder and I had my big old stick welder (think like 240 amps Cigweld)

Anyway I was younger and tougher then and only wore shorts and a singlet, my friend been far smarter than me wore long pants and a singlet

He was on full power, I was on full power and we really put some big fillets down that day

My friend had one of the then new auto darkening helmets on, first time I had ever seen one

Well we finally got done and I milked the girls and my mate was still inside as the Princess had cooked him tea

When I looked at his eyes he sort of looked like he was stoned, not that Im a expert at that type of stuff but his eyes were all glassy

He laughed at me as I was bright red with burns from welding and he wasnt much better

Turns out his auto darkening helmet wasn't anygood for someone else welding nearby

None of this was very smart as we both have lumps and bumps all over our arms and hands these days

Paul

Geez, welding naked Pauly... That's probably only second to grinding naked!

"Love to have a beer with Duncan"
When I was a young fella, about 15 or 16 I think? We had a sailing championships on at our club, and we had a fellow from Tassie billeted with us- It was about the time that Slim Dusty had a hit with "Love to have a beer with Duncan", and this young fella's name was Duncan. We were at the age where we'd love to have a beer too, wine, plonk, matter of fact anything alcoholic at all..Even Marsala and Brandivino... Oh, and smokes too of course. We were SO cool, or so we thought. And we must have looked like every other spotty teenager whos trying to look cool smoking and drinking but actually looks like a complete dickhead...

Anyway there was a party on in a suburb a fair way from home, so we got dropped off, me being an idiot decided that the party was boring, so having "met" a young lady, I was thinking "lets go get some booze.."
Anyway off we walked, me, the lovely, and Duncan. THREE BLOODY MILES we made it to the bottle shop, the guy actually served me (no idea why!) and off we walked again, swigging our Marsala like you do when you are a young dickhead...
Bloody hours and a long way later we are staggering along quite drunk, (or at least pretending to be) when we walk past an un- curtained window- young Duncan deceides to have a wee on the garage, as we look in the window and there is a very attractive young lady doing naked star jumps.. NAKED, I TELLS YA!... Anyway of course my eyes are like saucers, next thing you know the door is flung open, a hand reaches out a grabs Duncan, and drags him inside, shouting furiously "You dirty little bastard"!!! Bloody hell,. shit, now what do we do! I've got a young drunk girl with me, and Duncan, who I'm responsible for, is flying back to Tassie in the morning, and he's been kidnapped by some mad bastard who's seen us perving on his wife!
I think as fast as my Marsala soaked brain will let me, smarten myself up, pretend to be sober, and march back to knock on the front door of the mad bastards house.. ..
The door opens- SHIT, IT'S ONE OF MY SCHOOL TEACHERS!!!! I pretend not to recognise him at all, and ask in my best soberest voice, 'excuse me, I'm looking for my friend Duncan".. to which the teacher pretends not to recognise me either, shoves Duncan out the door growling "the dirty little bastard, pissing on my garage, he's lucky I didn't call the police".. To which I 'm thinking "Gee, I wonder if you know we were busy ogling your naked wife"... and we bugger off as quick as our silly young legs will let us..
We finally got back to the party which was well and truly over- except for the frantic parents and friends of the young girl- they are on the verge of calling the police to look for their perfect young daughter who has been missing for hours with that young troublemaker (me) - as she came staggering in drunk as a skunk with me... SHIT!!!
To which I sobered up real quick and beat the second hasty retreat of the night, dragging young Duncan with me.....
And the school teacher never mentioned it to me. Nor did I to him, (but I did to all my mates of course!)
Cheers
Rich

Better change the topic or there will be heaps of naked truckies and others on here!

Directions and Maps.

Mid 1970's had bought two detailed map books from a newsagent for $5 or so each.
One titled Road and Rail Atlas of Victoria, and the other ditto NSW. Quite large books, by Robinson I think.
Helpful for country work and had maps of some of the towns too. Prior to the VicRoads Directory and GPS.
The NSW one was particularly accurate and easy to read and even included the Travelling Stock Routes.
Victorian one not as clear as the roads were drawn very thick so intersections not so clear.
Still paid to ask a local when not sure, they were usually impressed when shown the map with their road on.
Worn out and patched with tape when reluctantly put them in the bin about 2005.

Always admired folk who could give clear directions, and those who could follow them. Not so good at that,
so preferred an address with the road name. Make a note of that and look it up when needed.
Each driver at the horse transport depot was given an exercise book to record directions, addresses and
phone numbers for clients serviced. If another driver had to go there later they would get a copy of the info
from the office with the load sheet. Some places were visited often, and others rarely.

Early trip with the road manager, got the directions for a stud at Porter's Retreat, south of Oberon.
Details were to go through Oberon, then when the bitumen ran out, the stud was 10 km. on the right.
Finished up in a pine plantation before the bitumen turned to gravel. Didn't look right, so backtracked to
find the place right on the outskirts of Porter's Retreat. Driven straight past it! New strip of bitumen.

Many times, got " Turn right at the Shell Servo " or similar. No sign of a Shell, so another phone call to
find " It might be a BP now ". Lost time and no one likes back tracking after finding somewhere to turn.
Found if they could name their road and left or right side, with a landmark to look for the entrance.
Often got, " Ya can't miss it mate ". Sure can in a truck with stock on board!

Phoned from Braidwood for directions for a stud south of town, none of the others had been there.
Manager casually says, " Can go out on the top road, but has a load limit on the bridge. Other way is to
come out the Captains flat road about 10 km and turn right into a lane. Go down there a bit and there's
a bit of a creek crossing. Go over that and we're down on the left ". Out we go and get to the crossing.
It's the Shoalhaven River, more than 50 metres wide. Down the bank onto a stone bottomed causeway
with retaining structure on the downstream side, and a bend part way across. Walked down first and it
seemed ok. In the 9 horse rigid Scania float. Good drive traction but low front clearance under the sump.
Got through ok and up the other bank. Not so easy later trips in the semi floats as less weight on the drive.
Could hear the round rocks rolling under the drive. Bit of pace to get up the dirt banks as once wet no go.
A few years later the bottom was concreted and approaches made less steep with gravel surface. As said
in a previous post, some would have nightmares if they knew where their horses had been!

Took Brisbane horses out to Saturday races at Toowoomba and did pick ups and drops for different studs
and farms before returning to take them back. Rang for directions to a place out towards Leyburn. Poor
lady answered and said, " Sorry, I'm no good at directions ". Asked if she could give me a rough idea of
where the place was. Started crying, so told her not to worry, will do the best to find your place.
Guessed they would be near the Condamine River, so went along slowly until saw horses in a paddock.
Walked in from the gate and luckily the right place.

Later years the load sheets were Computer generated and you had to phone each place to work out
pick up and drop off times, and directions if needed. Got some confusing blues. One was 1 horse, Malula.
Not sure where that was, Not Mallala in SA. Phone number was 07, turned out to be Mooloolah!
Another was for Caloundra, but with a country NSW number. Ah, Canowindra.

Learn as you go along!