Need a few good yarns

Back in the early 80s my mate worked with a well-known SEQ transport identity. Said identity shall remain nameless for obvious reasons, was an exViet Vet, who returned from Asia with a realistic looking prosthetic, functional, extra large male appendage.
This fellow's party trick was to don the aforementioned novelty, at a busy bar, and go for a leak.
As the pots flowed, the ability to show off increased. Word would get around the bar and drinkers would casually follow him to the little boys' room for a surreptitious glance.
When the XXXX consumption and crowd of blokes reached "let's be absolutely outrageous" levels, instead of shaking the 15" illusion, he would slap it a few times, on the side of the trough. Unfortunately, like most Asian manufactured goods, durability was not high on the agenda.
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall, at the final performance, when the knob broke off the end and rolled accross the floor of the crowded gents.

Thats a cracker

Thanks for that, need a good chuckle

Paul

Well if your game for it I'll tell another

Was dairy farming in nothern Vic at the time and it was Easter weekend
The soil in this part of the world is heavy clay and like the Hay plains, 1/4 of a inch of rain and you are going no were fast, you'll either slide off the road or your mudguards will fill up with dirt and you will stop
As a result of this we have dry weather roads and wet weather roads
Now the shire had and still has lots of wooden bridges all over the place and after the shires were amalgamated the state government made them take out their own insurance on these wooden bridges
Due to the insurance costs the shire made all wooden bridges have a load limit of 15 tons
This meant our milk tanker had to drive a extra 15 km to get to the farm or a truck carting grain or hay or even me
This was a fare pain in the bum and a inconvenience to all
I tried and tried to get this changed

So back to the Easter weekend, we had family visiting and it was a beautiful day as I milked the girls in the afternoon (dairy farming was the happiest I have ever been in my adult life) and as I milked my darlings I noticed fog was rolling in, this was very strange for that time of year, my old blue cattle was going off her tree at something, I wasn't fussed as she was pretty handy at catching rabbits etc
I finished milking and as I returned to the house I noticed the road was very busy and bugger me there was B doubles and god knows what else zooming along our little dirt road

When I got inside and found everyone glued to the TV I learnt why

Turns out the Quamby copper was pulling people up for random breath tests and one of the cars the people jumped out and clobbered him and stole his gun and were now having a shoot out at our towns local high school!!!!!!!

TROUBLE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

So it eventually settles down and these jokers are caught etc

The next morning Im milking the girls again and I start to think , I wonder who instructed all these vehicles to make all these turns on these dirt roads to go past our farm, I wonder who decided it was ok to break the law and send B doubles and semis over our wooden bridges
And if what was the Police and our bridges were good enough to carry years of traffic on them in one afternoon why cant we use them all the time ?

So with these selfish thoughts in my mind I started making enquiries and pretty quickly learnt that the police had diverted traffic and even learnt which police officers it was not that I was wondering but just wanted these stupid bridge load limits removed

So of to the cop shop to put my plan into effect and I was feeling pretty confident I was on a winner here

Turns out that old saying about counting chickens before they are hatched would turn out pretty wise

So I ask the copper at the cop shop about it, as in who sent the traffic and who gave them the authority to break the law and so on so forth, unknowingly to this copper I new he was one of the coppers directing traffic off the highway

His response to my very polite questions upon reflection to him self may not of been the wisest of choice, young dumb and full of c.... springs to mind
Well he starts giving me a fair old dressing down a telling me who am I to question the police and so on

Speaking to me like this is like a red rag to a bull, I went from "lets see if I can get a load limit lifted" to "this arrogant prick is gunna be bought down a peg or three"

So I tell this joker I wanna speak to the boss copper, to which he says I cant so I ask when I can
He tells me Senior Sargent will be on at 7.00 pm that night

Righto then tell him Im gunna be here and tell him I wanna see him so not to bugger off and do something else

So after milking that afternoon I toodle back into town

Knock on the cop shop door and it appears no joker is about
So I toodle back home , mumble mumble mumble
Bugger me I spot the coppers hiding on the hwy so wheel my ute in behind them and get and I might add Im fairly fuming at this stage

I ask these jokers if one of them is senior sargent what ever his name was (cant remember now) to which they inform me he isnt on at night and never is
So I tell the joker I spoke to one of them earlier he told me he would be
Nah they say, his rostered on tomorrow come and see him

They ask me whats it about ? To which I reply " non of your business "
Head off home

So next morning, back into town, sorry not here, not until 4.00 pm and why do you wanna see him ? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

back at 4.00 nah still not here

Now this were it goes really pare shaped for them and me

Some stupid clown decided it would be smart to drive past the farm at all hours of the night with the lights flashing and spot light shinning into the farm

This crap goes on for a few days

So Im still trying to see this senior sargent, he's still giving me the slip and these jokers are getting more cocky by the night

Eventually I catch this senior sargent joker and tell him I wanna lodge a complaint about his crew and weres the paper work

He tells there is none and whats the problem to which I reply " you had your chance you clown and you blew it"

He tells me I have to lodge my complaint with ethical standards tribunal, but he wont give me any further details

So back home out with the phone book and track this mob down, no computer or internet for me then

Out with the typewriter and start writing a letter
I had been bought up and taught to always keep notes of things you might think are important

Mailed the paper work off

The driving by the farm stopped that afternoon

A week or so passed and next thing we get a knock at the door and a couple of blokes in suits and the senior sargent and a big knob from Melbourne are there

Bugger me Pauly boy , what have you done

They had fully investigated all the goings on
Two coppers were shifted on to another station and they had no record of who directed traffic
I got a written apology from Vic police and it came to abrupt hault

Oh and the load limit stayed on the bridge

And senior sargent was on holidays the whole time all this BS was going until I finally caught up with him

Lessons to be learnt for all involved there, things could have easily gone very different for me had I had more age wisdom then and they could have also gone a lot worse

No one is above the law, I think a couple of the boys in blue learnt that and they could of stopped a lot of heart ache for them if they just used some manners and common sense

Things got out of hand very quickly for me that week or so

I do actually have a lot of time for the boys and girls in blue and have helped them when I could over the years and will always continue to do so
I am not affraid to stand my ground for what I believe to right, I have learnt to pick my battles better over the years, yah dont have to have all wins just the important ones

Paul

Good one Mrs!
Just goes to show that if you reckon your in the right, give it a whirl!
BUT, what a lot of duck-shoving and handballing from those who are supposedly looking after the publics best interest.
I'm sitting here nodding the old head wisely where I read the part about driving past in the middle of the night, lighting your place up with the spotlight etc etc.

Along those lines, and this was many years ago, when the old Pacific Hwy was going through Peats Ridge (near Gosford), a very comely young lass was working the night shift at the truck stop. Seems she was receiving quite a bit of attention from one of the newly (at the time) formed , married highway patrol officers. This went on for quite some time, he badgering her and even pulling her up on some pretext of the way she was driving, or had a tail light out, whatever.
Now, this comely young lass happened to have a brother, a likeable sort of bloke, but liked the occasional drink and a bong to accompany it. Done his brief for DUI, and as it happened was busted by the copper who was paying his sis the unwanted attention.
So, after telling her bro about this HP copper, (he, Bro, was running the fuel bowsers at the same truck stop), she asks a couple of the general freight carters if they have a spare rope. One of the drivers goes out and comes back in with about 40 feet of good quality rope, she promising to return it next time he came by.
Now, Bro used to knock off at midnight, comely sis at 2.00 am, so because he's done his brief, he hangs around and waits for her to finish, and make sure she gets home unmolested. So came 2.00am and Sis looks out the cafe window, sees the pursuit car parked over near the trucks, sees the glow of Bros cigarette in her Beetle, makes a bolt for her car and as she fires up, says to her bro that there is a HP car in the parking lot and its you-know-who!
"Don't worry about him" he assures his sibling, "lets get going"!
As she's driving out the driveway, sees the headlights of the HP Falcon come on, next an unearthly screech of metal and then nothing!.
Seems little bro hadn't been idle whilst waiting. Snuck out with the length of rope, wrapped it around the rear axle several times, around the rear axle of one of the parked trailers again, several times.
When said copper took off, way rope had been set up, pursuit car pulled sideways into the parked trailer, loaded with god knows what. no damage to the trailer but took the side out of the Falcon.
Upshot of it was, all hushed up, copper claimed he had been in pursuit of a high velocity overnighter and was forced off the road.
But, apparently he got the message in the end, as he was told that a certain bowser attendant was about to drop a dime on him to his missus.
I am assured this was a true story, was quite well known around Peats Ridge at the time.
Names have been withheld to protect the innocent!!
Dave_64

Dave,

The Pacific Highway never went through Peats Ridge.

The Pacific Highway by-pass did.

This saved winding your way down to Kariong and through Ourimbah and saved a heap of time.

But nice story and I know of a copper put the screws on a girl I knew until he got what he wanted.

OK, I stand corrected.
After all, it must have been around the mid sixties?
I do remember the old Highway dropping down to Moonee Moonee Creek, which I think is now a high level bridge?
Where that old truck stop used to be, there were a couple of large orchids close by, used to have little fruit stalls out the front, with the honesty box in them.
OR, more likely, I have lost the plot completely!
Dave
P.S. Hope it wasn't the same girl I was referring to!
Didn't there used to be a boy's home in Kariong about then??

Nothing wrong with the grey matter, Dave.
Mid 60's up into the 80's that road was used as the main by-pass of the Central Coast until the opening of the new, as you say, High level bridge over Mooney Mooney Creek.
And yes there was and still is a Juvenile Detention Centre at Kariong.

Dave 64, this is the old roadhouse, with the Ampol garage on the other side of the Pacific Hwy at Calga. Mid sixties and now deserted. You can still make out “Ampol” if you look hard enough at the photo of the burnt out Inter, as well is as the roadhouse on the other side of the road.

Here is a story I wrote way back in 1985 for the Military Jeep Club.

We were in Bowen putting in the mooring piles in the harbour for 3 months so on weekends I went vehicle hunting. It resulted in a few old military vehicles coming back to work on. This story is about the recovery of a Chev ute from Home Hill and a 1 1/2 ton Chev truck from Giru just north of Ayre back to Bowen.

The restoration photos cover just on 3 1/2 weeks work. As you can imagine the restorations could not stand close inspection.





Mick's 1/2 ton Chev mudguards in the back and the faithful Jeep J2000 ute alongside.

"Finished" job