Need a few good yarns

Many years back, one of the old mingrels I used to drink with was noticed by one of the repeat tourists to our town and said hi to Jim. The tourist than asked" Hey Jim, have you lived here all your life?
Reply was "Not yet"

2 young blokes were walking through the scrub when they came across an old abandoned gold mine. One says "I wonder how deep it is" and his mate says we will drop something down and see how long it takes to hit the bottom. Looking around they see an old sleeper laying there and grabbing one end each throw the sleeper down the mine. Suddenly a goat comes tearing past them at high speed and goes straight down the hole. They were dumbfounded and trying to work out what happened when an old farmer came along and asked the lads if they had seen his goat which he had tethered by a long rope to a sleeper which was just over there.

Cobbadog

Reminds me of a bus driver I know who does the pensioners' tours around Australia. He said almost every trip he is given the opportunity to use his quick come-back.

"George, are there any famous old men born around here?"
"No, only babies."

This is an absolutely true story of an incident which happened to me while working in one of my many jobs throughout life. Sometimes I think I have had more jobs than Centrelink.
As I said, this is true and verifiable.

Early '80s I was a cop in the NSW Police force and stationed at the tiny riverside town of Brooklyn on the Hawkesbury River. We were both town cops and Water Police, having both a 32 foot cruiser and a 16" Quintrex. Owing to the fact that we could be in the car one minute and the boat the next, we very seldom wore our revolvers. To cover the need to grab one I a hurry, there was usually one in the boot and another under the drivers seat.

This particular Saturday night, my offsider and I were patrolling the bush tracks in the area looking for stolen cars. Now my mate, who was the passenger, needed me to stop for him to answer a call of nature. I pulled up just off the road, he opens the door and stands there to get the job done. This was the time I had a complete loss of brain power. I reached under the seat, grabbed the trust .38 and let 2 go into the sand beside the car.

Poor old mate got such a shock, he leapt back into the car with the job half done. He had the hide to expect me to clean up the mess, even after he punched the shit out of me.

wee-allis wrote: This is an absolutely true story of an incident which happened to me while working in one of my many jobs throughout life. Sometimes I think I have had more jobs than Centrelink.
As I said, this is true and verifiable.

Early '80s I was a cop in the NSW Police force and stationed at the tiny riverside town of Brooklyn on the Hawkesbury River. We were both town cops and Water Police, having both a 32 foot cruiser and a 16" Quintrex. Owing to the fact that we could be in the car one minute and the boat the next, we very seldom wore our revolvers. To cover the need to grab one I a hurry, there was usually one in the boot and another under the drivers seat.

This particular Saturday night, my offsider and I were patrolling the bush tracks in the area looking for stolen cars. Now my mate, who was the passenger, needed me to stop for him to answer a call of nature. I pulled up just off the road, he opens the door and stands there to get the job done. This was the time I had a complete loss of brain power. I reached under the seat, grabbed the trust .38 and let 2 go into the sand beside the car.

Poor old mate got such a shock, he leapt back into the car with the job half done. He had the hide to expect me to clean up the mess, even after he punched the shit out of me.

What the fudge ?

Some ruddy work mate you are lol

Paul

About 20 years ago I took a friend to Agquip at Gunedah. We will call him Fred to protect the innocent.Fred was a commercial fisherman who had never ventured far from the coast,he was fascinated by the wide open spaces,livestock and crops we drove past.We arrived at Agquip and proceeded to look around at the merchandise and machinery in the sites.Then we came upon one site where a goat stud had goats for sale.Fred was got so excited he had always wanted a pet goat so he went up and spoke to the owner of the goats, a woman.The conversation went like this
Fred. - I see you have goats for sale.
Women. - Yes they are stud goats
Fred . - I would like to buy one,how much?
Women. - They start at $2000
Fred . - $2000? that's a lot for a goat
Women. - Well you have to breed with them
Fred. - No thanks,I'm already married
At that Fred turned and walked away.I'll never forget the look on that poor woman's face

Hi Steve, many many years before you were stationed in Brooklyn some of our Family members lived there. One worked on the railway station and others worked the mail boat and milk/ freight boats up and down the Hawkwsbury. Then out at Windsor others were building boats.

wee-allis wrote: This is an absolutely true story of an incident which happened to me while working in one of my many jobs throughout life. Sometimes I think I have had more jobs than Centrelink.
As I said, this is true and verifiable.

Early '80s I was a cop in the NSW Police force and stationed at the tiny riverside town of Brooklyn on the Hawkesbury River. We were both town cops and Water Police, having both a 32 foot cruiser and a 16" Quintrex. Owing to the fact that we could be in the car one minute and the boat the next, we very seldom wore our revolvers. To cover the need to grab one I a hurry, there was usually one in the boot and another under the drivers seat.

This particular Saturday night, my offsider and I were patrolling the bush tracks in the area looking for stolen cars. Now my mate, who was the passenger, needed me to stop for him to answer a call of nature. I pulled up just off the road, he opens the door and stands there to get the job done. This was the time I had a complete loss of brain power. I reached under the seat, grabbed the trust .38 and let 2 go into the sand beside the car.

Poor old mate got such a shock, he leapt back into the car with the job half done. He had the hide to expect me to clean up the mess, even after he punched the shit out of me.

Wee allis, that must have been a tight fit in a 16” quintrex. lol. Maybe a 16’ ?

The mother-in-law disappeared a few days ago, the police said I should prepare for the worst,





so I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.....

had to got to the inlaws the other day; reluctantly, so on arrival ,walked in and i said to the mother in law have you been out this morning? to which she replied no ,why? oh nothing just the broom in the back yard is still warm,,
Paul