Not funny

Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends two nights each week
bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she decides
to give him a surprise treat and she takes him to a local
Strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says,"Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and
brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she
know that you drink Budweiser?"
"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.I always have
a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around
Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says..."Hi Vern. Want your
usual table dance, big boy?"
Vern's wife, now furious,grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken
him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She screams at him at the top of her lungs,calling him every four-letter
word in the book..
The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Vern, you picked up a real b$tch
this time
VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY.


Paul

(a couple of my old doodles)...

Hey Fido, ya got any more? Those are great!

I can't even draw decent stickmen :'(
ASW.

One of my mates says his wife has the Harvey Norman sexual appetite.......No interest for four years.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman ... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was somebody really special."

Cabbie: "Oh hell there's more

Patient says to doctor " Please kiss me".
Dr: Sorry no, that would be unethical
Patient: Please Dr. I feel so insecure
Dr: As much as I would like to help you out, I could be struck off the medical roll
Patient: Please Dr., No one would ever know and it would do wonders for my self esteem.
Dr: Sorry, but it really is against the hippocratic oath that I took, in fact I shouldn't even be having sex with you.

Found this on another site some may be familiar with qiuet clever maybe get censored but who cares
He said . . . I don

Stolen from another site

Trust Your Husband :

A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. A man and a woman.

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us,
so l let them stay in our bedroom.

Did you say

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm.

She didn't panic since she remembered what her dad had once told her.

Irish Ghost Story

THIS STORY happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it