Need a few good yarns

Mrs,

My Brother Jack is a book I read as 15 year old.

It really brought home to me how good my life was and how tough it was being an inner Melbourne suburbs inhabitant during the depression.

I know my Grand-mother used to talk about the depression but the book just brought it all to life.

Nino's Author's name was John O'Grady. Great stories, even if a bit outlandish.

Too right, some of these books are just brilliant eh?
A Fortunate life, what an amazing story. if you are ever feeling sorry for yourself, gee.....
A very different era, thats for sure.
Patsy Adam Smith, one of the best writers too- "There was a ship" about her time on a little ship running around Bass Strait. And "Goodbye Girlie", about growing up in Penshurst, and her war years, lives, loves, and so on.
Bloody amazing that people can write so well, and just draw you in to their spell... It's a gift, I haven't got it, but I can certainly recognise it when I read it..
The old Chocs can do a pretty good turn of phrase when he chooses to.
Off the track, but kinda related-
We had a bloke called Frank at our local boat club- Eastern European/Australian- he a was bit of an uncouth sorta fella, often drunk, had no "gate" on his mouth when he'd had a few, and started swearing and stuttering at the same time..A lot of people wouldn't stay in his company if he was drinking. Smoked like a chimney, just a rough sort of bastard. Lived in the shed at his mothers place in Norlane, and generally as scruffy and dirty a bloke as you'd meet- but also not a bad guy if you know what I mean.
He told us that his dad was a war criminal, who he hated- he was a violent man who used to beat his mother and him, until one day Frank was big and angry enough that he said enough was enough, took his old man on, thrashed him so hard that he put him in hospital, then walked out and never saw him again.
"I hated that F****n c**t and if he was still alive and i saw him I'd do it again" was what Frank said.

Anyway short story long, Frank started doing the newsletter for the club- and you'd never believe it was the same bloke. Beautifully written, funny, using a turn of phrase that you'd expect from someone like Clive James, not some drunken pisspott from the boat club whose job was a stop and go sign man...Bloody amazing stuff.
Anyway old Frankie (he wasn't all that old but he looked it) died in his sleep about a year ago- so that was the end of that.
But somewhere under that smashed up, smoking drinking smelly uncouth ruffian, must have been a very clever and intelligent man.
It makes you wonder about peoples upbringing, and opportunities lost due to circumstances beyond their control....
Funny world eh.
Have a good day you blokes..
Cheers
Rich

John O'Grady wrote the Weird Mob and other books.
If you like a laugh, his book on hospital experiences,
The Things They Do To You is a good yarn.

Prodrive


Hard to tell by looking.

My wife is a radiographer and I was forced to go to parties and dinners with her workmates for 50 years. I can say without a shadow of a doubt with notable exceptions, doctors are the most intelligent people as a group. At the same time most are dumb as dog s...... with no common sense or practical ability and very little get-up and go. I have worked with MSF (Doctors Without Borders) in third world countries and think the reason is all the really good blokes with life skills, not just medical, are out there working in some hell-hole with the bullets flying.

On the other hand I am always impressed with the young ringers in the outback who left school at the minimum age - so far in front of the city kids their age. Unfortunately it is a dead end job and they will still be doing the same thing when they are 50. The city kids mostly pass them fairly quickly with extra education, travel experiences and variety of life and social contacts.

Horses for courses. I would rather a doctor who can't tie his own shoe laces but can identify cancer before anyone else to be treating me and an 18 year old uneducated ringer to be building my fence than the other way around.

Lang

Lang wrote: Prodrive


I would rather a doctor who can't tie his own shoe laces but can identify cancer before anyone else to be treating me and an 18 year old uneducated ringer to be building my fence than the other way around.

Lang

That gave me a good chuckle Lang, not sure if it was meant to but it smile on my dial

Thanks

Paul

Many moons ago I did a Melbourne -Sydney return on a regular basis driving a mighty V/8 Inter single drive bogey trailer. Load going up was Bowater Scott products. Coming back was Bushells coffee.
This trip loaded to the hilt with toilet paper, tissues and lunch wraps. Early in the morning got to top of the Razorback, right hand corner, over we went. Must have a strong wind!!! Tarps split open, stuff every where. Out comes Mr. Plod from Picton I think in his F100 brawler wagon with the canvas canopy on the back. He went off!! I am sick of you cowboys. I will throw the book at you. Probably speeding. Logbook out of time. Insecure load. Dangerous driving. Yes sir I say!!!
He then spots all these paper products. What are you going to do about all this? he says. I say we will retrieve what we can and the rest will rot away. He says no will miss a couple of boxes will they? Help yourself I say. I will help you even. Suck. Suck. We fill the canopy, the passenger side and even the glove box I reckon! He says thanks. I will go easy on you now!! Never heard another word from him!! Not so with my boss. Not happy Jan!

Late 1970's following another driver at a few k's back to stay out of his dust, southbound on the Omeo Hwy.
After going through Anglers' Rest, came up behind him. He had cut in on one of the thousands of corners and
dropped the trailer wheels into the gully. On a fair lean but did not overturn. Single drive Volvo G88 not able
to pull it up out of there. Couldn't get in behind the trailer to push him, nor get around him to pull it out.

About 3 am, suggests he starts walking towards Omeo. Reckons there might be bears, so he tells me to F off,
he's going to sleep. Off into the dark, and headed for town. got out of the bush land into the farming area as
dawn began. Had given up the smokes some months prior and could smell the rabbit warrens beside the road.
Local livestock operator in a F700 Mack picked me up and took me to the CRB depot to wait for opening time.
Meantime, he grabs a mate with a tandem drive Benz, packed up log jinker. Reckons he can pull the other truck
out so out we go by the low level road to join the Omeo Hwy just in front of the Volvo.

Local Copper had heard of the show, so roars out in the SWB Landie. Wakes the young bloke up, and is greeted
with " Who the F are you "? Log book etc checks out ok so clearing the road now a priority. Mate in the Benz
knew his stuff, hooked on and pulled the whole rig back up onto the road. Couple of blown trailer tyres to change.
Into Omeo to replace the tyres, thank everyone including the copper and on our way.

You can be lucky, country people are so ready to help. Think of that every time I smell rabbits.

Love it boys, keep them up...
cheers
Rich

Found the same sort of thread on an American site. Here are a few stories.

Getting pulled into a Missouri weigh station at 3 am with another truck. Scale master was just bored. He checks the kids logbook and sends him on his way and turns to look at mine. Kid stops at the door and says,”I think I gave you the wrong logbook.” Scale master closed my logbook without looking at it and said you can go. I hit the door running.



Was finishing up with the D.O.T officer after a inspection at the Hannibal, Missouri scale. They were training a new guy and he stopped a bull hauler and told him to pull to the side and bring in the usual stuff. This old cowboy pulls his brakes on the scale and walks in and asks the rookie what the problem is. The rookie says well you’re 1200 lbs over on your drive axles. This cowboy just looks at him and says, “Look you dumb S.O.B. I just haul the damn things. I don’t tell them where to stand.”

He goes back to his truck and just drives away. The other officer and i just lost it.



This is a beaut:
- I was picking up a load and after they got me loaded, they told me, “You need to pull over there and tarp,” showing me an area that had a safety harness and cable.

I remember thinking that this was a GREAT idea, and even if I fell nothing could happen to me. WRONG! I put on the harness, hooked myself to the cable and upon top of the load I went.

Now this was an unusual load as it was a high stack on the front of the trailer, a low stack in the middle and another high stack on the back. I sweated to death, almost, and got the tarps stretched all over the load evenly and decided to get off the truck and go cool off before putting the bungee chords on everything. I did not want to climb down off the high stack on the back, onto the middle low stack and back up onto the high front stack. Do you see where this is going?

So I think to myself, ” I have on a safety harness, so why not just jump the four feet over to the other side?”

So I got me a little running start and away I went. As soon as I was airborne, the sensor on the pulley up above detected that I was moving at an unusual speed and it locked down on me.

My toes ALMOST touched my destination, and suddenly I was whiplashed and hanging like a pig in a slaughterhouse, out to the side of my truck I was propelled in the blink of an eye.

To make matters worse, the leg straps came up into my pelvic area at such a rapid speed that my shorts burst open in the front, my underwear ripped to one side and Mr. Hide-And-Seek and his neighbors popped out to have a look around.

I can’t pull my shirt down over anything as it is jammed into my moobs and armpits, and I cannot reach down to cover anything with my hands.

So there I sat spinning, and because of the pressure on my belly that was pushed up under my chin by now, I could look down and see everything I got for the first time in 10 years.

Each time I go in a full circle I can see the forklift operator about 300 feet away loading a truck and, he cannot hear me yelling.

Fortunately an old black man– I did not get his name; you will see why not later– DID see what happened and he jumped out of his truck to come help me.

He asked if I was OK, and as I spun slowly facing and flashing him, he said “White Boy, you is in a bad way.”

He is looking around for a release switch to let me down, but there is not one. I am thinking the entire time that at least he is the only person who saw this

WRONG again.

Out from the side, I hear the office people coming asking if I need an ambulance, and he is telling them to just stay back, and I yelled that I was not injured in any way.

The old man said there was only one way to get the pressure off the cable so it would release, and he got up under me and put a leg over each shoulder of his pushed up on me as I TEABAGGED his neck and shoulders and sure enough it let off and down we went slowly.

He came out from under me and walked away very rapidly to his truck and never looked back.

I regained my composure, got up into my truck and put on new shorts etc, and got back out. As I looked towards the offices, I noticed there were NO windows for the people inside to see what happened to me, and I remember wondering if I was actually screaming that loud for them to hear me a block away in the air conditioning.

I went to talk to the poor old guy that rescued me and asked if I could buy him dinner. He said “No sir, we already had our first AND last date and I am getting the hell out of here before anybody remembers my face.”

I finished putting straps on the load, drank a glass of tea from my cooler, and proceeded to the offices to get my paperwork. NOBODY inside would make eye contact with me except for the guy filling out the forms for my bills.

As I stood there looking around, lo and behold, there on the wall was a color monitor of surveillance with a close up view of my truck and the area where I had been hanging out. I just hung my head in shame, and the guy asked me if I was sure that I was not injured, and I told him I would be perfectly fine. Just a few burn marks from the seatbelt material on the safety harness.

He passed the paperwork to me under the glass, smiled and said, ” OK, Peter Pan, if you will sign right here we will have you on your way.”

Every staff member started snorting and blowing snot bubbles laughing at that point and so did I. I asked if they had recorded my incident and he said he was in the process of erasing it as we speak, and that he would have used it as a safety training video had I not made it X-rated.



Watching a driver argue with a DOT officer in Limon, CO saying “No, I’m not going to fix my log book. It’s perfectly fine and legal.” The officer looking at him and says, “Sir, your log shows you left Charlotte, NC at 6am this morning it is now 4pm in Limon, CO. If I go outside, that truck better have 2 wings and after burners.” Never laughed so hard in my life.



A company I worked for when I started forced you to team with another rookie. I got teamed with a 67-year-old women who couldn’t back and was afraid to drive in the dark. New Year’s Eve day, I’m out of hours, so I force her to drive. She hooks to the trailer and takes off, and she never checked the pin, so the trailer fell and broke the electric line. After a few hours, we get going again I go back to bed, only to be woke up by the LAPD, because she ran over a gas pump island and hit the low canopy at a gas station. Another couple hours go by, its almost day light now, we get going again (she’s still driving). I wake up ready to drive, and we are parked. I got out of the truck and she’s crying saying, I thought if I went this way we could make up some time. I ask where are we? 3 miles OFF the road in the desert. It took awhile but I got us out in 1st gear all the way. She was fired shortly after that.



I was at the TA in Nashville one fall night and after my shower and dinner, I was sitting in my truck with the windows down jaw jacking with my best friend on the phone. It was a beautiful night. Temps in the upper 50’s and a slight breeze. The lot lizards had been working hard when one approached. I said, “Hold on, cuz.” She looked up and asked, “Would you like some company?” I said,” No ma’am, but if I did, how much does company cost?” She said, “Well that depends on what kinda company you’d like!” I said, “I’d want the finest company that money could buy.” She said, “Well that’s a hundred dollars.” I said, “A HUNDRED DOLLARS?!? With all do respect, ma’am, I’ve seen you climb in and out of 5 different trucks over the last 45 mins and you’re gonna try and sell me a used car for new car prices?” All the while my best friend is on the other end listening screaming,” OH NO You DIDNT!!!??? “She looked at me in bewilderment and said, “So did you want some company?” And I said, “No, ma’am.” And she faded off into the night……or another truck.

More Later

Lang

Another Yank one.

The Magical, Mystical “Hot Load”
by Pappy
One time my boss told me that what I was about to haul into town was a "Hot Load." He told me, "Don't be screwin' 'round now... that load should've done left hours ago," and with a hardy, "Hurry up driver," I began my epic adventure with the "Hot Load."

As I left the terminal , I noticed that most of the other drivers were coming back in. It was late afternoon and about 10 minutes before "Idiot Hour," more formally known as rush hour. It was unusual to be going out that time of day because the traffic would make a normal 15 minute run last 2 hours or more. Seems that when them 4-wheelers are turned loose from their corrals downtown, they all tend to act like "barn broke horses."

What's a barn broke horse? That's a horse that's gotten use'ta hangin' out at the barn, where all its needs are met. Then when you take it out for a ride, it wants to do everything it can to get back to the barn. This includes running into fences to try to dislodge you from its back. Also it will ram into other horses in an attempt to make the other horses kick you or bite you. I mean, come on, the other horses must know that you are the reason for disruption of "barn brokenness." That the horse you're riding doesn't always have that thing on its back. Right? Sooooo...If you do mange to get the barn broke horse away from the barn, it has no other agenda than to get back to the barn. God help you if you drop the reigns. That beast will use its tongue to push the bit between it's teeth where it can hold it and prevent you from turning its head into the direction you wish to go. Once it gets the bit in its teeth it will bolt back to the barn. You will suffer many things on a ride like that... that is, if you stay in the saddle. Yes, them horses, unlike 4-wheelers, are smart. Thus, you get the ol' sayin', "horse sense," which is a compliment.

Where was I?

Oh yeah! So there I was, my happy little truck drivin' self, just getting on the interstate when I look back over my shoulder to see if I could merge into traffic. All that filled my line of site was barn broke 4-wheelers stampeding along with every intent of being the first to arrive. My ol' Detroit only had 200 ponys and it just could not get the load up to stampede speed before the end of the on ramp. I was runnin' outta options real fast. My last and most crazy option was to make my own lane by using the emergency lane. Which is a huge "NO! NO!"

As I trucked along in my own lane, I thought to myself, "Self... this ain't so bad. As long as none of them 4-wheelers gets any crazier ideas than this, I should be able to make this run in no time."

What runs through the minds of most people is beyond me. I guess that them 4-wheelers saw I was moving at a more rapid rate than they were. Sooooo...I therefore must be going to win the race to the barn. They started to fall in line behind me. I had a convoy of about 200 cars, and steadily growing. Then, the stupidest thing happened. One idiot decided he was going to take the "front door" on the convoy.

I remember my asshole biting into the seat so hard it took a pry-bar to pry it loose.

In fact I never did get that cone-shaped pucker mark massaged out. Every time I sat in that seat I got reminded of how stupid I was.

Unbelievably, no one was hurt in the pile up that occurred. There were some damaged fenders and some cars had to be pulled out of the ditch, but all in all, I was fortunate.

I got the load to the destination, and the rest of the way there I thought I would be fired 'cause the "Hot Load" was late. When I arrived I told the warehouse manager I was so sorry that I was late. I told him of the extraordinary tactics I used in order to make sure his "Hot Load" got there before it was too late. I told him if it wasn't for that stupid 4-wheeler, I would have been there hours ago.

He stared at me with a blank look on his face. Then he asked me, "Are you stupid or something?" He then told me, "This load really ain't supposed to be here until tomorrow at noon".

I was dumbfounded.

Over the years, and after many so called "HotLoads," I began to realize the "Hot Load" ain't as HOT as it's made out to be.

Let me clue you in on something. Being told you have a "hot" load is a ploy to make you think it needs to be there fast, and you'll wind up taking extraordinary chances to get that "hot" load there for nothing. I have known truckers that specialized in "hot" loads. They made a movie out of one of 'em. It was called Smokey and the Bandit.

I don't think you're a hero if you risk lives to get a load from point A to B. If you want to make a dollar by "shakin' trees and rakin' leaves," then don't let me know about it. I will drop a dime on you in a heartbeat. What's shakin' trees and rakin' leaves?

Thats another story.